Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Attention Boypeople: Do not do this

In an effort to help males assimilate into civilized society, I recommend noting the following:

"Good manners are, first of all, civilized behavior. That's as opposed to wild behavior. 'He acts like he was raised in a barnyard,' my mother would say, about some hapless boy who pulled up in front of my house for a date and just sat in the car and honked."

This act translates to: "Yo bitch, get your ass out here!" even if the thought behind the act is only: "OMG, your dad is scary, your parents will hate me, I don't know what to say to them, fearfearfear!" Either way, you are undesirable. Grow a pair and learn how to go on a date without being a douchebag or go home.

I should mention that I have never experienced this. The boys I dated all came to the door - that was when the trouble usually started (the trouble being only that they were... disappointing). They either didn't know how to talk to parents and grunted their way through conversations, or they THOUGHT they knew how and clearly saw themselves as very charming (which is not at all charming). Being nervous is completely okay and understandable. In fact, my mom would have reacted to a sincerely polite guy who was a bit nervous about making a good impression with "Aw, he was nervous. Good." He would get a "point" for being able to carry on a conversation reasonably well, and for not assuming he was in control of the situation (With my mom? Hahahaha! My mom is so slick in those situations and is very good at getting information out of people. Any guy who doesn't notice this gets labelled "doof").

And now I'm all grown up, but living at home... lame. So, the same rules sort of apply because honestly, I want to see if a guy passes the meeting the parents at the door test. While in a way I'm sorry to have to inflict a meeting the parents moment on a guy on a first or second date, the fact is, I am poor and live off the 'rents. That's life right now. If a guy can't engage in polite non-smarmy conversation with them, I don't want his lame ass.


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