Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I have a problem.

It started a few months ago when my neighbor asked if I had read the Twilight books. I'd actually seen an article in the paper about Stephenie Meyer, the author, so I sort of but only sort of knew what she was talking about.

"Oh, you should read them," said my disabled but spunky Polish grandma neighbor. "I think you'd like them! I wish I had the books to lend to you, but I gave them to someone else!"

So, I said, "Maybe I'll check it out one of these days."

And then I kinda forgot about it and read some C. S. Lewis and Dan Brown and other ish that's been lying around in my to-be-read pile.

And then I tried to read Austen's Northanger Abbey. This is not a thing to try to do at 11:30 while falling asleep, which is my reading time. So I decided to give up on that for a while until I'm less busy. But I was still in the mood for a teenagery romance.

And then they made the Twilight movie.

And I got curious. Sure, it might be totally stupid, I thought, but I might enjoy it.

So I picked it up at B&N this weekend, tucked it under my arm, and surreptitiously made my way to the checkout. And then, I bought it, after which I casually walked out, like, I did not just by a teenage vampire romance novel. Noooooo. Not me.

Anyway, um, long story short, I'm hooked. It's bad. I've only gotten sleep this week because I didn't have the second book to start Monday night.

OH, and I saw the movie. And I want to hurt the screenwriter. During how many scenes did I think, "It was NOT cheesey like that in the book!"? For example, the Edward in the sunlight scene. In the movie, he says something awful and random, like, "You need to see what I look like in the sunlight!" And then he whisks her up the mountain. Of course the movie needs to accomplish in half a minute what takes pages (and pages) in the book. But a couple more lines would have made it seem a little less weird, for example:

Edward: [says his line about taking her up into the mountain, above the clouds]

Bella: What, in the sun? Won't it burn you?

Edward: [chuckles despondently] It'll do something. You'll see. [pulls her onto his back and does his speedy vampire run]

See how much more natural (and Edward-like) that would be? And it would take about the same amount of time.

The worst is the "my own personal brand of heroin" line. In the book, Bella came up with the metaphor and stated it lightly, as a joke, to keep the mood from going down the tubes. In the movie, Edward's monologuing and and leans down from the tree branch he's sitting in to very dramatically utter this line.

I wanted to shoot something.

See, THIS is why I should be an editor. Because I won't let things suck.

Haha, she said suck... dammit. I hate vampires. But I love the Twilight books (so far).

I'm on page 360 something of the second book, New Moon, which I will probably never reread because it is painful (because, the way it's written, you FEEL Bella's depression), but that's also one reason I actually think it's pretty good.

More on that later. I need to eat. Bc I'm human. And I manage my addictions very well. Actually, I manage WoW a lot better than Twilight so far. Ugh. We'll see how far I sink into this fandom.

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Monday, November 17, 2008

Calormenes are not Muslims

They can't be. Calormenes are polytheistic. Muslims are monotheistic. And Lewis, being some kind of Oxford educated religious scholar professor, probably knew that.

So, let's all move on to what the Calormenes actually DO represent and have a civil and interesting discussion. (And let's also note that while Calormene culture is pretty messed up, with its tolerance for crappy behavior and slavery and ish, we need to look at individiual Calormenes, not just Calormenes as a whole. Let's definitely not be all like, "Calormenes are this and they represent that," because that's too simplistic.)


Friday, November 14, 2008


You know what I've taken for granted? Being able to go to the bathroom whenever I want.

OMG it's FREE!

That's better. Somewhat, anyway. Sharing a bathroom with a male is not ideal. I used to have a bathroom. It was in the hall across from my room. Not anymore. Where did it go? In the trash, piece by fiberglassy/wallboard dusty piece. Now there's a little rectangular room with only two (mostly) intact walls and studs and a copper pipe.

The tub is going in tomorrow morning. The tub is heavy. Carrying it in the house was difficult. Setting in the mortar at the right angle may be more difficult.

I am apprehensive.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Next stop, sexbots.

Sorry, but it's gonna happen.



Saturday, November 01, 2008


I took my dog trick or treating. Now, before anyone gets mad that I made my dog wear a costume, let me explain.

My dog's favorite activity is going for walk. Trick or treating is like going for a walk, except you get to sniff inside people's houses and get dog biscuits and get patted on the head.

Also, he didn't actually wear a costume. Just black wings. (He was a bat.) He really didn't care (they were probably more comfortable than his seatbelt/harness).

Anyway, it was a sucess. Everyone loved him and was impressed by how well behaved we was (which he would not have been if he had been at home listening to the doorbell ring.

One of the best things, I thought, was that I got a cupcake, the kind filled with frosting and a squiggle of frosting across the top. Man, those just aren't as good as they were when I was a kid. Ho hum.


This may get me in trouble

So, the thought police have struck in Massachusetts public schools to keep those guilty of the of the sin of intolerance from adversely affecting their children. Lovely.

In my state, civil unions for gays are legal. I don't think I care. What I have wondered about, though, is what happens fifteen years from now when I have a kid in elementary school? What if I want to tell my kid, "Actually... I don't think homosexuality is normal," in addition to things like, "Don't ever be mean to someone for being different from you." That's not good enough for some proponets of gay marriage, apparently. Some have this need for everyone to THINK like them, not just accept them.

Well, guess what? People aren't all going to agree. This is America, remember? The idea is, we agree that we won't beat the shit out of each other for disagreeing. THAT is tolerance. And those who do beat people up get sent to jail. THAT is justice.

I grew up in the Bible Belt. I am not a fundamentalist Christian. I had friends who thought I was going to hell and was completely wrong about God and Jesus and the Universe and that I needed to be saved. So we disagreed. We still hung out, studied and participated in clubs together and for the most part got along (except when I wanted to play secular pop music at a friend's house... she got upset... ooops! In her defense, I will say that we watched The Monkees together on VH1). At the most, it was irritating, but only if I thought about it too often. And fortunately, I live in America, where we can believe whatever we want, so their religious ideas didn't threaten me.

Likewise, I don't feel threatened by gay people. Fuck whoever you want. I might think it's weird, but I'm not be rude and tell you that or try to change you. Live your own life, and I'll live mine, and maybe we'll get coffee (tea for me) on Tuesday.

And meanwhile, I'm gonna teach my (future) kids not only that homosexuality doesn't make any sense to me personally (I thought we had sex drives to keep our species going), but that the arguments in support of gay marriage don't always hold water, particularly when applied to different situations. For example:

1) "It's how I feel, so it must be okay." I once felt like punching a guy in the face. But he really didn't deserve it, technically. And I would have gotten in trouble. So I didn't. We all have good and bad and neutral desires. As adults, it is our job to decide for ourselves which fall into which category based on, for one, the logical outcomes of acting on a particular desire. So if you're a guy who wants to screw a guy, you can. Or you can decide, "Wait, anal sex is gross. I have conflicting desires. Thinkthinkthink... Okay, maybe I won't do that." Because eeeew, buttsex. Anyway. The point is, we're human beings and we're free to weigh the options and choose what we do.

2) "I was born this way." Maybe. Maybe not. Nature vs. nurture. Who knows? You know what you were born? A crying helpless baby, like all of us. We don't always end up what we were born. We grow up, consider things, have stuff thrown at us, deal as best we can, make choices, etc. Of course we all have random desires and we don't always know why, so it's easy to say, "I must have been born this way. There must be something in my genes that makes me want this." That could be. But that ignores the emotional aspects of sexual desire (remember, I'm a girl!), so there are a lot of aspects to consider. I think it's important for us to ask ourselves, WHY do I like this guy/girl? Am I insecure and want someone stronger? Am I a jerk and want someone to push around? Do I have a desire to take care of someone? Is it really just that he looks like James Dean? Am I really that shallow? Fuck.

I'm not attacking anyone for being gay or bi. I don't have those desires so I can't understand what it's like, although I try. I want to understand and empathize, but I also want to pass on my belief that you shouldn't let your desires push you around to my kids.

I think I'm gonna have to send my kids to private school. Damn, I need to make more money!

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